Secret Origin of Fatman.

    Shrouded in mystery, cloaked  in myth, an enigma. Who is Fatman? Many have caught a glimpse of him, here and there. In the gyms across town, people whisper when he is seen, " Who is that Fatman"? Well the secret origin of this man of myth can now be told. I, Steven James Belsito am the Fatman. And here is my tale of how I came to be this figure of scorn, and how am now shucking of the cocoon of what I was to become something greater.
    My tale is like that of many others. I was an adolescent when Fatman first came to be. At the tender age 12 or 13 my family moved from the apartment we lived in, where I had many friends my age to play with. And we moved to a place where the were no kids my own age. I had to begin a new school where I didn't fit in. Always shy and quiet my inability to make friends easily made me the target of teasing and bullying. My already weak sense of self worth and confidence didn't allow me to handle this situation. I was forced to turn to food in place of friends. Highly intelligent I knew this was not a good way to handle this, but the momentary rush you receive from a candy bar or cheeseburger had me hooked. If you can't be happy all the time then those stolen moments of joy are worth it right? Well thats what I allowed myself to believe. I soon found my body growing and I gained new abilities. I could now sit on the couch and zone out with a bag of chips and soda for hours. I learned that if I sucked my stomach in I could just squeeze into pants that had fit me before. I soon realized that I didn't know my own strength. I found that if I flopped down onto my bed then I could possibly break the slats underneath. My new gifts scared me. But not enough to give up on my new secret weapon against loneliness. I learned one more ability that I now had. I was functionally invisible. No one looks twice at the fat guy as they pass him in the hall.  He blends in with scenery. Eventually I submerged myself in the hedonistic pleasures of food and thats when Fatman wobbled in and took control of my life.
     For more years than I care to admit I allowed myself to live in such an unhappy state that I eventually fell into a state of depression. I was unable to do any of the things that I wanted. People talked about hiking, sports or even going to a theme park and getting on the rides. And dating? Forget it. None of these were an viable option for me. I drifted, alone and miserable. Then something extraordinary happened. I was working in the cafe in the local bookstore when someone noticed me. Not Fatman but me, Steve. It was shocking. At first it was Zen Master Rockstar. Others soon joined the ranks much to my surprise. Church Boy Guitar Hero, The Mad Vegan Chemist, The Boy Who Loved Ks and
The
Honest
Hombre were just some of  the agents who inspired my metamorphosis. Family members joined in and became reserve members of Team Steve. They showed me that there was more to life than I was allowing myself. Some of these people have moved onto other teams but I still owe them much for the lessons they gave me.
     I soon found myself hiking mountains, both figuratively and literally. I was going out and having fun.  It was amazing to have people who I cared about and whom cared about me. I lost 70 pounds and had changed my eating habits. I was finally learning to Be. I soon found myself doing strange and amazing things. I ran a 5k on a whim. Two months later I ran a 4 mile run through town. I was being active in front of hundreds of people. And I was well known through town. I was greeted by many people as I walked the streets. As with many others who face new challenges I slipped back into old habits and soon entered a depressed state, and gained back some of that weight. But soon found that the bonds of friendship and family were stronger than the death grip that The Fatman had on me. I have come back even stronger now. I have run another 5k and beat my time on the first one I ran. I was cheered on by a crowed as Batman and hugged by a small child for my stellar choice in running attire. Im planning on doing other runs. Im going to the gym and chiseling away the unwanted fat to get to the man underneath that others have seen. I am asking people for help and advice.I have been eating so much better and even cut back on alcohol. I finally see the man I am destined to become. And I am not letting Fatman win anymore. Its a long hard fight between him and I. He is tricky and smart, his voice is loudest when I am weak. But with friends and family whom I want to make proud, Nieces and Nephews I want to be around to inspire and harrass I can't let him win. Most importantly I can't disappoint myself. Goodbye Fatman, Hello Batman.

Goals

     Been working on goals a bit tonight. What I want to do, where I want to be and such. Some are fitness related and I feel as if I have been pointed in the right direction with that. Some are job focused and those to are coming together. Been thinking about this 2 year goal I kinda made for myself on my birthday. Came to a realization that I was starting to see myself then had it verified when I was chatting with someone. The only person stopping me from doing what I want in/with my life is me. And I'm gonna stop it. So my 2 year goal is to
-1. Lose roughly 150 pounds. And be in better shape.
-2. Be the best baker I can be. I'm pretty good, but I could be better. This promotion at work gives me an amazing chance to excel with that.
-3. I wanna be living in Boston. I love that city. ( And yes I know its expensive) There is just something about it that just sings to me.
-4. Have a really good job that involves the Gluten Free and Vegan Baking, in Boston.
   
     These are just some of the goals that I've come up with I have more but they need work, planning and defining.

30 minute miracle.

     So I went to the gym did 30 whole minutes of cardio today. In the grand scheme of things this is so inconsequential that it hardly bears mentioning. But for me, its huge. I haven't gone to the gym in.......um..... awhile. Wow I honestly can't remember when I last went. I just popped my kindle on and went to work on a stair climber. I felt good all in all. Looks like the next day I can go is Monday and I'm looking forward to it. So I guess yay me.

Random quote

Its late and I need to get to bed. But I just wanted to share this quote. Its lengthy but worth a read. A close friend has often quoted the highlighted portion to me. I just finally got around to reading the rest. Food for thought.
     “Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not 
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. 
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and 
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before 
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you 
imagine. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as 
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing 
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that 
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm 
on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you Sing Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with 
people who are reckless with yours. Floss Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes 
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with 
yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you 
succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your 
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they 
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year 
olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe 
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky 
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t 
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your 
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, 
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people 
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever 
own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for 
good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the 
people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you 
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and 
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you 
knew when you were young.” 
― Baz Luhrmann

The Times they are a Changing

     Bob Dylan was right when he said that Things Have Changed. Lately I have seen so many things in flux around me that I felt kind of lost. Seems as if everyone is pairing off, moving away or having kids. And then there's me. In the same place I have been for years. And when I saw how people were leaving me behind, I got pissed. Not at them, at myself. They are doing what is natural, moving on. I have been stagnant. In my heart of hearts that's not me. The real Steve likes to take chances, is brave because of all the crap he had dealt with growing up. He is charming and fun. I have hidden all that for some reason. Or more likely I had forgotten all this stuff. Why? I'm not sure. I guess it is just easier. One reason I stalled is that I wanted to be needed by people. I love helping people, to the point where it's almost a sickness. But I have come to see that I'm not needed and that I don't have to be. The one person whom needed the most help, the most of my attention was being woefully neglected. Myself. I have to start helping me.
      I was hanging out with a friend and we were talking about whats going on in our lives lately. After seeing how excited they were about things they are working on and what is in store for them, I started examining my life. There are a great many thing that I have planned on changing but just haven't seemed to get around to them yet. I always find one reason or another to avoid it. So why am I holding myself back. Fear? Self loathing? Just plain old stupidity? Maybe it is a combination of all these things. But I finally stopped all that. Or have at the very least begun to.
     I took a chance and applied for a new job, which I got. One of the easiest interviews I have ever had. I just put on an air of confidence and won them over. Not easy for me as I am chock full of self-doubt. Who knew I could be charming when I want? This new job will give me benefits, discounts, paid vacation and a full 40 hour week. I'm hoping this will give me a step towards getting into some sort of cooking career. I'm also going to be switching gyms. The YMCA is a great gym but I can get cheaper membership at the Planet Fitness next to my new job. And I will be able to just go right from work to the Gym. NO EXCUSES. In an attempt to get in better shape I have also joined Weight Watchers. Yeah I know people think Weight Watchers is just for women, but that is not the case. In recent years they have become much more male friendly, as well as technology friendly  I don't have to go to meetings and feel like I'm in AA. I can talk to people on-line and get advice and what not.  So yes I am now one of the points counting legion of WW.
      I'm also planning in taking a trip abroad solo. I always wanted to go on a trip with friends but you know what sometimes you just cant. Life doesn't always work out that way. To sum it all up I'm looking out for Numero Uno. I'm still going to be there to help my friends and family if they need it. But only if it doesn't interfere with my stuff. I'm trying to take chances and make mistakes. I'm looking forward to it. I'm still here for the friends who saw me when I was absolutely invisible, and my family who has been there for me. But its time to be a bit selfish. So wish me luck. I cant be any use to those I care about if I'm not the best me I can be. Things Have Changed.

Say What?

I was talking about diets with my buddy Rob the other day and he made a very good point. I was telling him how I have been researching different ones to see which was the best.He pointed out that I should just stop researching and do one. I thought about it and he was right. I know how to eat, Basic rule is EAT WHATS GOOD FOR YOU STUPID. No fried foods, low fat dairy, whole grains, plenty of fruits and vegetables yada yada. So I spent a good portion of today researching what was good for me. ( Hey although he was right I'm still me. I love to know things. It is my weakness.) While learning about how processed foods were so bad for us I looked in my kitchen and was shocked when I realized just how many processed things are in there. I pride myself on making many things from scratch. So I had a psychotic food break and threw out salad dressings, marinades, anything that was processed. Three full garbage bags later I was finished. I was happy to see that the pastas and rice I had were all whole wheat pastas and brown rice. No canned vegetables or anything like that. Self satisfied with my accomplishment I decided to make a guacamole and tomato sandwich, and I looked at my bread. It was a 12 grain bread which I thought contained no refined ingredients  I looked to see if the bag had seal that shows its indeed multigrain and doesn't have refined ingredients. And it lacked the proper seal. Just because something is labeled as whole grain doesn't mean that refined flour and sugar aren't a part of it. So I tossed it.  So in addition to getting in shape to run I now plan on eating unprocessed foods, with whole foods and organic foods in as much as possible. I love to cook so why not make as much of the stuff as I can. This will be somewhat challenging but fun. Basic message. CHECK YOUR LABELS.

Goal check

    Was talking to a friend about my goal to run a marathon by the end of next year tonight. And I was thinking about just how much work I have ahead of me. I have a lot of grueling hours ahead of me to even attempt this. See the Marathon I want to do is the Boston Marathon. This will be a very hard goal to reach for considering where I am at right now. But I have to try for it. I have never been so proud of myself as when I crossed the finish lines at the 2 races I did. I have had enough time sitting on the side lines time to get my crap together and just do it.